Navigating Different Values And Norms With Your Child

Do you often find yourself at odds with your child’s behaviour, wondering why they don’t respect your authority like you think they should? Or perhaps you’ve noticed that their teachers or friends are influencing them in ways that contradict your deeply held values? You’re not alone. As a Nigerian parent living in the diaspora, you’re navigating a complex web of cultural differences that can be both fascinating and frustrating.

In Nigerian culture, respect for elders and authority figures is paramount. We teach our children to greet their elders with reverence, use honorific titles, and avoid talking back. But in Western cultures, individualism and self-expression reign supreme, and children are encouraged to question authority and think critically. No wonder we sometimes feel like we’re speaking different languages!

In this article, we’ll explore the challenges of navigating different values and norms with your child. We’ll delve into the cultural differences that can lead to misunderstandings and conflict, and offer practical tips and strategies for bridging the gap. Whether you’re struggling to balance traditional Nigerian values with modern Western influences or simply seeking to understand your child’s perspective, this guide is for you. 

Communicating Effectively: The Key To Navigating Different Values And Norms

Communication is the foundation of any successful relationship, and this is especially true when it comes to navigating different values and norms with your child. You need to be able to communicate effectively with your child, listen to their perspective, and be open-minded to their point of view. This can be challenging, especially when you are struggling to come to terms with the different values and norms of your host country.

But here’s the thing: your child is looking to you for guidance and support. They need you to be their strength and a source of comfort in a world that can be confusing and overwhelming. So, how can you communicate effectively with your child?

Here are some tips to help you communicate effectively

• Active listening: Pay attention to what your child is saying, both verbally and non-verbally. Give them your undivided attention, and show that you’re engaged in the conversation. This means putting away your phone, making eye contact, and nodding to show you’re interested.

• Empathy: Put yourself in your child’s shoes and try to understand their perspective. Acknowledge their feelings and validate their experiences. For example, if your child is struggling with bullying at school, show empathy by sharing a time when you faced a similar situation.

• Open-mindedness: Be willing to consider different viewpoints and values. Avoid being judgmental or dismissive, even if your child’s perspective differs from yours. Instead, ask questions and seek to understand their reasoning.

• Respect: Treat your child with respect and dignity, even when disagreeing. Avoid talking down or using condescending language, which can make your child feel belittled or unheard.

• Cultural humility: Recognize the limits of your own cultural understanding and be willing to learn from your child. Acknowledge that your child may have a different perspective or experience, and be open to learning from them.

Additionally, consider the following tips specifically for Nigerian parents:

• Use Igbo, Hausa, Yoruba, or other Nigerian languages to communicate with your child,  if they’re not fluent, enrol them in a Nigeria language learning program. Seeing other kids learn can boost their interest in learning their Nigerian language. 

This can help your child connect with their heritage and appreciate the value of their cultural roots.

• Share stories and proverbs from Nigerian culture to teach values and life lessons. For example, you can share the story of Anansi the spider to teach your child about wisdom and cunning.

•  Explain the significance of Nigerian customs and traditions to help your child understand their heritage. For example, you can explain the importance of respect for elders, the value of hard work, or the significance of cultural festivals.

By communicating effectively and embracing cultural differences, you can build a stronger relationship with your child and help them navigate the complexities of growing up in the diaspora. 

Cultural Challenges Of Parenting In The Diaspora

One of the biggest challenges is balancing your Nigerian values with Western influences. You want your children to respect their heritage and cultural traditions, but you also want them to fit in and succeed in their new environment.

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For example, you may find yourself wondering:

• How do I teach my child about Nigerian customs and traditions when they’re surrounded by Western influences? You can start here:

How To Get Your Child Connected To Their Nigerian Heritage

• How do I discipline my child without using physical punishment, which is frowned upon in Western cultures?

Navigating Discipline As An African Parent Abroad

• How do I encourage my child to speak Igbo, Hausa or Yoruba when everyone around them speaks English?

How To Raise Bilingual Kids: Balancing English With Nigerian Language

These are just a few examples, but the challenges are many. You may feel confused, trying to balance your cultural identity with the need to adapt to your new environment.

But here’s the thing: you’re not alone. Many Nigerian parents in the diaspora are facing the same challenges, and there are tips to overcome these challenges.

Building A Support Network

Building a support network is crucial for navigating cultural differences and raising your child. Here are some ways to build a support network:

• Connect with other Nigerian parents: Join Nigerian parent groups, attend Nigerian community events, and connect with other Nigerian parents in your area.

• Join Nigerian cultural organizations: Join organizations that promote Nigerian culture, such as Nigerian cultural centers, museums, and cultural associations.

• Attend Nigerian events: Attend Nigerian festivals, concerts, and other events that celebrate Nigerian culture.

• Seek mentorship: Find mentors who can guide you on navigating cultural differences and raising your child.

• Build relationships with extended family: Build relationships with your child’s grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins who can provide cultural guidance and support.

• Connect with Nigerian professionals: Connect with Nigerian professionals such as teachers, counselors, and coaches who can provide guidance and support.

By building a support network, you’ll have a community of people who understand your experiences and can provide guidance, support, and encouragement. 

Conclusion

Navigating different values and norms with your child can be challenging, but it’s not impossible. By communicating effectively, passing on your cultural heritage, and building a support network, you can help your child develop a strong sense of identity and values that will serve them well throughout their life.

Remember, dear parents, you are not alone. You are part of a community of Nigerian parents in the diaspora who are facing similar challenges. So, don’t be afraid to reach out, to ask for help, and to seek support. Together, we can navigate these challenges with confidence and raise our children to be proud, confident, and successful individuals.